Friday, February 19, 2010

The celibacy timeline

I have never met a man who made it from youth to age 45 as a celibate gay Mormon fully active in the Church.

There are lots and lots of 25-year-old men in this category, and you see the occasional person who perseveres to thirty-five. By 45 no one's left.

It's as if there's some kind of built-in term limit for men on the celibate gay Mormon role. Most leave the Church or at least quit participating; a few enter into mixed-orientation marriages at ages greater than the standard LDS marrying age.

Has anyone else noticed this?


Evan said...

I think we may see at least more "claims" as more members open the closet door. But even then, I bet it will be very rare.

I don't know of any gay member older than 32 who is still completely celibate.

Daddy Bear said...

Late 30s seems to be the time when a lot of gay men married to women start coming undone. I have seen men both in and out of the church who discover they can't keep up the charade anymore.

Max Power said...

I lasted until I was 35. Coincidence?

Captain Midnight said...

Seems about right.

J G-W said...

Well, I know two individuals who have been celibate for life, who are now in their fifties and sixties. Neither of them are Mormon. One of them, I'm not sure what his sexual orientation is, and the other is gay.

My gay friend Jack was actually my dad's best friend at work for many years, and was a good friend of the family. I came out to him when he was in his fifties, partly because I trusted him to be able to help me in my coming out process with my family. Jack, in turn, came out to me. He eventually came out to my dad, as a way to help prepare my dad for when I finally came out.

When Jack came out to me, I was literally the first person he ever came out to. When I came out to him, it empowered him to come out. It really was a life-changing event for both of us. He eventually came out to more and more of his friends, and experienced the incredible sense of freedom and relief that comes with that.

I think Jack was open to the possibility of a relationship at that point, though I'm not sure how important it was to him to find a mate at that point. He eventually did marry a woman, though he was very open about the fact that sex was not a part of the marriage. He married a woman who had been a "best friend" of his for many years, and they continued to be "best friends" after they married. The relationship really was about companionship.

So maybe he's not an exception to your rule after all, though he's effectively celibate still.

My other friend is a man who joined a Roman Catholic monastic order. Again, maybe not truly an exception since being in an order provides you with constant fellowship that you wouldn't have simply living your life solo.

So maybe my "exceptions" actually prove your rule.

Anonymous said...


Research showed that men who get married will live longer than those who are alone. And women who are alone will live longer than those who get married.

Men are not good being alone. The idea of being celibate until I die is actually little bit scaring me. But, I dont know yet. I will know it when I reach my 30's.


Anonymous said...

I think theres a time limit for celebicy in ALL men lolz. Srry but men r whores :(