Saturday, June 6, 2009

Friends as family

It's been a long month. One of my best friends, a person I've been close to for twenty years, died on May 19 after a long illness. With the help of a hospice nurse and her friends, she was able to pass away with dignity at home, in her own bed.

One of the conditions of gay life is that our closest friends become our family in a way that you almost never see in the straight world. Like many things gay this is poorly understood from the outside, but it is noble and sacred.

May this dear one rest in peace.


Grant Haws said...

I am sorry to hear that your friend passed away.

The friends-as-family istatement is definitely true. Others don't understand, but good friends are the ones that kind of step in when family distances themselves.

MoHoHawaii said...

Hi Grant,

Thanks. I guess could think that I'm claiming the existence of superior moral qualities in gay people, which I am not. It's just we gay folks tend to build stronger ties to friends because our families of origin are not always there for us due to religious bias. In any case, I feel blessed by the friends I've had and by at least half of my family. :-) Good luck to you.

Sabayon said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend/family. I understand what you mean by friends as family.

Judy said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's passing. It sounds like she did so peacefully and with dignity. My children and I had the blessing of taking care of my younger brother many years ago when he was dying from an AIDS related illness. It was one of the biggest blessings of our lives. My children were teenagers and they still remember it and are willing to do the same thing all over again if they are ever asked to. I am proud of them for that.

I have found that gay people are not the only ones who sometimes need to find "family" in those who are not blood. The reasons vary but the emotions and impact are the same. I find it so wonderful that we, as humans, gravitate toward those who have the ability to just love and matter WHAT the "issue." I am grateful for that. And I am grateful for your blog and your honesty and insights. Bless you as you grieve and know your friend was most likely loved by many more people than one would ever think. Life is like that because we are weak and often not the best at expressing our love for those around us. As we celebrated PRIDE in Utah this past weekend, we saw and experienced a new level of love and acceptance. It was awesome!! Hang in there. Life is good.

MoHoHawaii said...

Hi Sabayon,

Thanks for your kind words.

Hi Judy,
I'm so grateful for folks like you, and I'm glad you had a good time at Pride this year.