I have never connected romantically with women. And I thought -- oh my god, I am going to die without ever knowing what it’s like to fall in love. That scared me. I don’t care what the Church says about life-long celibacy – you simply cannot mature and grow emotionally without physical and sexual intimacy. Prolonged sexual abstinence stunts your emotional growth. Repression messes with your mind. Sharing our bodies is vital to our psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. And without the fulfillment of this primal basic need I was becoming a painful bitter wreck of a human being.
And I thought to hell with this – I want to experience love.
Troy's experience with celibacy matches my own. In my case (and I certainly don't claim this as a universal), being in a mixed-orientation marriage felt a lot like celibacy. It was only later when I was able to have normal romantic relationships with all their messiness, passion and confusion did I start to mature sexually. One way to put this is that I was unable to share my body with a woman.